Growing up with a single, drug addicted mother and in and out of foster homes.. yet I've never tried any drugs other than alcohol and I've graduated college. Everyone else I know who had the same or similar up bringing to me, have at least tried drugs once, sold drugs, are addicted to drugs and didn't go to a four year school.
I'm not bringing this up to brag. I'm bringing this because why is that I have to be an exception? Why can't I be the rule? What happens to these children to make them turn to drugs to get through life? What happens to them that they lose sight of college or making any long term goals? Where was it that they slipped through the cracks? And why didn't it happen to me?
I've learned a lot the past few weeks about my family. Information I never would think to be true. And it's nearly impossible for me to wrap my mind around. They know drugs are bad. In multiple ways, yet they're still involved with them somehow. Or even tried them.
Lately, I've been around drugs a lot more than I can remember since I've become detached from a lot of mom's family. And I've been experiencing the weirdest.. what's the word.. cravings? curiosity? about drugs.. ya know.. what's it like to get high? to do some molly? what's it like to trip on mushrooms? I bet I'd like it or so I hear.
I've been trying to process these thoughts because these are thoughts I've never endured before in my life. When I think about it.. almost every other person I know who had drugs so embedded in their childhood, never got out of that lifestyle. They lived with parents who did drugs up until they were 18. They were in consistent contact with other family members who abused drugs. The friends they had were drug users. The lifestyle of drugs was constantly surrounding them.
What makes me different than the other people I know is I got out of that lifestyle when I was 8 years old, when I went to live with my dad. My dad didn't use drugs. We went to "normal" family reunions that were filled with love and laughter. Drugs were no longer in my everyday life. Was I still affected by them? Absolutely. My mother was still a meth addict. But I wasn't with her everyday being dragged through that lifestyle. I was living in a completely drug free environment.
So maybe, the more you are around it, the more "normal" and "acceptable" it becomes and when kids of drug addicts say "It's all I've ever known" they really mean that. When mad, sad, upset or even happy.. the way you deal with it is through doing drugs. The way you make your money is through selling drugs. The way you make friends is by getting high together. So, why wouldn't that child grow up not having the idea that drugs are bad? Do pretty much all kids of drug addicts experience trauma and are affected negatively by drugs while growing up? Yes, it's unavoidable. But.. it's still just... normal.
If I didn't move in with my dad when I was 8, I really have no clue where I'd be right now. As much as I loved my mother and all the times I cried because I wanted to live with her, it really was a blessing that I was lucky enough to experience a new life. While being raised around drugs has made me into the person I am today, being able to live, grow and shape in a drug-clean environment allowed me to prosper.
What makes me different than the other people I know is I got out of that lifestyle when I was 8 years old, when I went to live with my dad. My dad didn't use drugs. We went to "normal" family reunions that were filled with love and laughter. Drugs were no longer in my everyday life. Was I still affected by them? Absolutely. My mother was still a meth addict. But I wasn't with her everyday being dragged through that lifestyle. I was living in a completely drug free environment.
So maybe, the more you are around it, the more "normal" and "acceptable" it becomes and when kids of drug addicts say "It's all I've ever known" they really mean that. When mad, sad, upset or even happy.. the way you deal with it is through doing drugs. The way you make your money is through selling drugs. The way you make friends is by getting high together. So, why wouldn't that child grow up not having the idea that drugs are bad? Do pretty much all kids of drug addicts experience trauma and are affected negatively by drugs while growing up? Yes, it's unavoidable. But.. it's still just... normal.
If I didn't move in with my dad when I was 8, I really have no clue where I'd be right now. As much as I loved my mother and all the times I cried because I wanted to live with her, it really was a blessing that I was lucky enough to experience a new life. While being raised around drugs has made me into the person I am today, being able to live, grow and shape in a drug-clean environment allowed me to prosper.
And I know I'm not the only exception out there.. And I'm not saying all people who do pot or other drugs are bad or unsuccessful.. I just can't help but wonder why I am so different than the other people I know. I'm not better than them. I'm not smarter than them. I'm not anything more than them. I'm different.. and I'm the outsider.
I hope that with my career choice, I can make a difference. Make a difference so that the exception becomes the rule.
I hope that with my career choice, I can make a difference. Make a difference so that the exception becomes the rule.
