Mother Daughter Talks

Naturally, being a girl, I dream a lot about my wedding day. What dress will I wear? Who will my bridesmaids be? The face my soon-to-be-husband will have when he sees me for the first time as I walk towards him. But unfortunately, there's one thing I used to dream about that will never come true.

I always wondered what my mother would say to me on my special day. What advice she'll have for me. Seeing her cry because her little girl is all grown up. And I can hear her now talking about how sexy my husband is and how she wish she could've snapped him up first and of course, meaning it in the most loving way.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I won't get to have any of that.

Losing my mom was really hard but what comes with losing her, is losing all of those things a mother and daughter are supposed to do together. Most mother and daughters fight like crazy during the teenage years. The daughter doesn't think the mom will ever understand and all the mom wants to do is stop her daughter from making the same mistakes she did. My mom and I definitely got that part of the mother daughter relationship.

The part we never got to experience, is when the daughter grows older and wiser and transitions into a woman. It is during this time, when they begin to repair their relationship. They can begin to talk woman to woman. They develop a completely new understanding of each other. Stay up late, drinking wine (in my case, it would be Moscato) talking about what it means to be a woman, the love they are falling in and out of, the past they've learned from and the future they hope for.

I was 16 when she died and while I learned a lot from her mistakes even though I was so young, I never had the opportunity to sit down and understand why she was telling me about the mistakes she made. She was only 38, with such a lifetime ahead of her, and I'll never know what she hoped to do with her future. Although, I imagine it would be to continue loving me and my brother and becoming a grandmother one day.

If I could have her back for a whole day, all I'd want to do is take time to appreciate the opportunity to have a mother daughter talk but I'd want her to do all the talking. I've talked enough over the last five and a half years.. I want nothing more than to hear what she'd say back to me.