Newtown, Connecticut Most of us never even know this town excited. After yesterday, it's a solemn place no one can stop thinking about, praying about and sending their love to. My heart has been heavy ever since I heard it on the radio yesterday that at least a dozen elementary students were shot and killed (later to find out 20 children were killed). Everything about this event is unimaginably tragic and it hits so close to home with every parent, teacher, school administrator, friend and family member because this could have happened in any town, at any school.. to your child, your baby sister/brother, your friend.. I can't even begin to list the amount of ways this weighs on my heart, as well as the rest of America.
No one can tell you why this happened. And everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on what needs to be done to prevent these tragedies, that as Americans, we know all too well, from happening. One piece of this that breaks my heart is the fact that shootings are all too common. We've seen them in schools, places of worships, malls, movie theaters on the street corners and I've even seen one happen in my own home. This is where the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School starts to hit so close to me home for me.
I was only six years old when my mother was shot in our farm house right outside our small little town in the middle of Iowa while I was curled up in a box, under a table in the basement trying to hide with my cousins and my brother. I know what I lost that day. I was very fortunate that I did not lose my mother but I lost my simple idea that our world is safe. And that monsters only live in our closets and under our beds but are easily scared away by having our mommies and daddies check for them.
I weep for the children who did lose their lives that day as well as for the children who now have first hand experience that world is not all good, that there are people out there who want to hurt others and who are capable of hurting others. This is a fact of life children should not have to learn at such a young age.
I have many fears about the affect this event will have on our country as well as the families directly involved and affected by the shooting, but one fear that I have is that the children who were traumatized that day, more than a lot of people ever will be in their life, won't get the help they need and will never feel safe again.
After my mom was shot, I haven't ever felt completely safe since that day. I'm 22 years old and I still have to sleep with a night light on as well as sound on but I can't have the sound from my TV be too high because then I won't be able to hear if someone is in my house. I can't walk by windows at night because I'm terrified someone is lurking outside waiting for me to walk by so they can shoot me through the window. Anytime I see someone start to show even a little aggression when they are drinking (my mom's shooter was an alcoholic as well as a drug addict), I immediately think they are really going to try and hurt someone. I feel that way anytime I see a fist raise or even a voice begin to yell because I know a fight that starts off as a normal fight, can end in tragedy. The man who shot my mom, I loved him a lot. He was my father-figure during the time my mom was in a relationship with him and he provided for me, hugged me, made me laugh and told me he loved me. I now live with the fear that someone I love dearly and who loves me, can hurt me really badly if ever pushed to that point.
I can't say exactly how the child survivors will be affected, because each person responds differently. Some children will be horribly affected for a little while but will be able to work through it, some children may be affected their whole lives. And then there will be children all in between there. But in one capacity or another, every single child will be affected. Many may never feel safe in a school again. If they were hiding in the bathroom with their classmates and teacher, every time they walk into a bathroom, it may remind them of this tragic day.
Knowing what I have gone through because I lived through my mom's finance coming to our farm house and shooting my mom then killing himself when I was there, it absolutely breaks my heart that these children have to live through a similar, unfathomable, tragic, horrendous, life changing event and will forever be affected.
Their innocence and belief that the world is a safe, happy place and you live until your 100 years old is gone. And can never be restored. That is what truly what is weighing my heart so far down. I pray that every child and every person traumatized by this gets the help, support and love they need to come out on the better side of this.
RIP To All The Children Who Received Their Wings Way Too Soon and To All The Adults Whose Lives Ended Before It Was Time <3
To every single person who has been affected, remember "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
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