An Unexpected Response

When I decided to share my story, I did not have any expectations of people actually reading it. I knew my family would and those close to me. Never once did it cross my mind that in less than 36 hours it would already have almost 700 page views. Never did I think I would have people messaging me to share their story about living with a parent who was an addict.

After I finished writing my first post, my tears had finally stopped. I didn't think I would spend the rest of the night crying. But I did. I had so many people commenting and messaging me about how courageous they thought I was for sharing or how my story touched them. In no way was I expecting to get so much support and encouragement.

My post was filled with deep emotions I never share with hardly anyone, not even my closest family. When I cry, I do it alone and I hate talking about it. To see that so many people were reading my story, some I knew really well, others from my community and some people I didn't know at all, I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Every comment I've gotten has been positive but part of me feared there are people out there who won't think so positive of it.

You see, I never talk about what my mother's addiction means to me because drug addicted mothers and their kids are so scrutinized against. There are so many stereotypes about drug addicts living off welfare and being undeserving of help or even raising children. I was told as a child to not even plan on graduating high school because people from families just like mine, don't do that. I met a woman once and when she found out who my mom was she said "Wow, you're really pretty considering who your mom is." Let me just say - my mom and I look exactly alike. She didn't think I was pretty for having an ugly mom, she thought I was pretty for coming from a family full of drug addicts. I learned from an early age I wasn't expected to be smart or pretty. I wasn't expected to be anything but another drug addict.

And I fear that to this day, even though I am a senior at Iowa and on the President's List, people still expect me to fail eventually. But to all you of out there who think I will fail - I dare you to continue to watch to me succeed. Because I will. While I had all these people telling me I can't, I had my mom telling me I could and I would. My mom's voice has always been bigger, stronger and more influential on me than anyone else's. She may be gone from this earth but I still hear her loud and clear.

I want to continue blogging about what my mom's addiction means to me and the way it is still affecting me today. I think it will continue to help me grow even stronger in who I am and will really serve as a great therapy for me. The comments I have gotten have encouraged me to keep doing it, each comment made me more confident in my decision to share my story. So to each of you have read my blog, "liked" it on facebook, shared it with others and commented on it, I want to thank each and everyone of you for helping me through this.

In a little over two days, I've already seen the way people can relate to what I've gone through and am going through. As a future social worker, my dream is to touch people, to help them. If I can do this by taking a risk and sharing these emotions and experiences with people, I want to do that. I want to encourage other's to share their stories or reach out for a helping hand. I don't want the voices of children raised by drug addicts to be quieted down. I want their voices to be heard. To be loud. To be recognized as people who don't have to fall into the statistics of becoming addicted themselves.